So here’s the thing: I recanted on my commitment to showing some of my art each day, or at least something I saw or felt, which all works its way into your art in one way or another.
But then I felt overloaded, maybe a bit panicked. What had I gotten myself into? I ratcheted my commitment down a few notches Quite a few. Once a week I would post, I said.
BUT I now renege what I recanted. Why? Because I realize my backing down had more to do with having missed the point of my original intention than it did with my ability to post every day. In one short week I was already trying to turn each day’s page into a work of art instead of providing a snapshot of what I was doing that day.
I want to be spontaneous about this, but it is SO hard to share what is half baked, partially done. Was I not always told “Do your best”? And did I not learn to hide my worst, cover it up, keep it from view? Not to mention displaying what is mediocre–is that not shameful?
I have accepted that I must learn to reveal my process, share what I hear the Muse whispering or shouting, let my mistakes be visible, as well as my “triumphs.” I want to learn to be more transparent. To show where the things I make come from. I have accepted all this, but must practice how to demonstrate it.
Therefore I write this. Is it embarrassing? Yes. Earth shattering? Hardly. But I see it as a path to freedom.
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My Days Matter 
Way to go Carol! What feels the most uncomfortable always comes with the greatest personal gains, it sucks but it seems to be true.
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Thank you for your support. It is a net I count on and cherish.
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Hmmmm, “mediocre”? No, steps in the lesson–and part of the lesson is not to put pressure on yourself. I think a commitment to studio time is valuable even in 15 minute increments, but showing everything that has been done? Not so much. You may see the possibilities, others may not: dedicated studio (and blog) practice is winnowing out that clutter too 😉
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Revealing nothing but my best, finished work has been my way of doing things for a long time. I was trying to express the fact that WIPs often feel ugly, even mediocre looking, but the point is an idea or feeling is driving me. If I share some of that process, a reader can see the sweat, not just the polish. It becomes clear how I resolved an artistic challenge, or simply moved onto another way to express that original impulse or dropped it for a better, clearer idea.
I did not mean I now felt free to share “mediocre” work in the name of “freedom.” I am trying out a hypothesis: if I share more than my “best,” demonstrate how I got there, at least in part, will that help me understand my own processes better and open my way to a greater freedom of expression in general?
I think of the best classes I have attended. The class gelled, and people shared their processes, offered comments and suggestions to others, expressed doubts, frustrations, whatever. We all learned. We all were spurred on to create our “best” but without hiding the mess it sometimes took to get there. That is what I am attempting to do here. Online. Maybe a few others will join me.
I am not sure about doing this, Arlee, or know if I can. The only thing I know is I want to try.
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